Bangkok, Thailand
My entire left butt check was completely out when the masseuse asked if I was “shy person.” Umm, well, it’s a little late now!
Despite this, if my chair massage a couple days ago was the best day of my vacation, yesterday’s spa day was the best day of my life.
I’ve already mentioned how incredibly cheap Thai massages are and I have been taking full advantage. Before we left, Josh strongly implied he would have a couple’s massage with me. He chickened out yesterday. So, I comforted myself with a decision to spend the couples massage budget (~150 USD) on myself. As I viewed the spa menu, I quickly found myself in another Tim Ho Wan-esq situation where I was going to be in the spa for 7 hours because everything was SO cheap and I needed to order more. Learning from my mistakes, I settled on a package that came out to be around 100 USD that included an organic coffee & honey body scrub, a 30 minute milk bath and a 90 minute aroma therapy thai massage.
And, so I found myself in this compromised position at the beginning of my spa treatment with this coffee & honey scrub. Now, I’d never had a scrub before, but I’ve had many massages. The masseuses have aways taken extra care to make sure the towels covering your top and bottom private parts stay in place.
Not here. This lady didn’t care one bit. I don’t even know why they gave me those disposable underwear in the first place. It provided nothing more than a false sense of security because she gave them no mind. I was already feeling a bit uncomfortable with the butt-scrub when she pulled my towel off and told me to roll over. No covers. No top. Just everything hanging all out there. If I wasn’t shy person before, I was feeling very much like a shy person now!
She proceeded to scrub ever inch of my body. I mean, this lady was in my belly button! My belly button! No other person has ever been in my belly button. I was not relaxed. Then she said, “top of chest.” I don’t think it was a question. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t have listened if I said no, anyway. I reconsidered my silence when it became VERY clear that our definitions of “top of chest” were VERY different. If all that was the top, then I don’t have a bottom.
At one point doing this part of the massage, she tells me I have a “kind face.” Mam, you’ve already made it the second base – no need for the small talk.
I was beginning to wonder if I had accidentally gave some indication I wanted a . . . different type of experience! Haha! I kid. I kid. She was very professional, I was just VERY unaccustomed to this level of (lack of) modesty/privacy/personal space.📷
When I washed that scrub off, I felt better than I had ever felt. Until the milk bath. And then I felt better than I had ever felt until the massage – which she gave with an equally indiscriminating manner (except she left my belly button alone this time, thank goodness)!
After my spa day, we had tickets to the Siam Niramit show. All the reviews online were extremely positive and the show itself was visually incredible. It was an 80 minute audio and visual introduction to Thai culture which started with a video of a CNN clip about the death of the Thai King last year. And then a video montage and spoken word poem in English about the King. Then an original song about the King. Then the Royal anthem. Then the show started.
The first act was a 4 part introduction to the different regions of Thailand. The second part was a representation of Buddhism (hell, the forest where mythical creatures live and heaven). Honestly, the Hell scene was a bit much for children and this event was advertised as fun for the whole family. The last act showed celebrations of Thai festivals. The show is presented on the biggest stage in the world. The best part was when the front of the stage peeled back to show a river meandering all the way across the stage. It was deep enough for boats to row across and a grown man to jump all the way in.
Bright colors, excellent costumes, performers flying across the stage – visually – it was a stunning show. However, I could never recommend this event anyone because of the use of animals (and the apparent food poisoning I contracted). I am by no means a PETA supporter (obviously I like animals and don't want to see them hurt) but animal rights are not my primary passion. However, what was happening here could not be ignored. First of all, they used elephants, goats and chickens in the show. The animals added nothing to show and it was completely unnecessary.
Had this been the only offense, I might have ignored – but outside the theater the same elephants were open for petting and rides. The small elephant was chained up and no one was there to regulate the petting of the animal. People were crowding around and she was clearly in distress. The bigger elephant was available for rides and her head and ears were all discolored (almost completely pink, all the gray rubbed off) from what I can only imagine was distress. On our way out, we saw some tiny trailers where the elephants were kept and they were blowing their trunks. It was really awful, and I honestly feel very guilty for patronizing. Had I known about the animals before, there is no way we would have gone.
Our tickets also included dinner. Dinner left MUCH to be desired. It was like a buffet without sneeze guards or heated food. Everyone was going to town eating except me and Josh. We at least made the effort of getting a minimal plate. We ate a few bites. Josh tried rice and I tried noodles. The concern of food born illness was ever prevalent and we couldn’t stomach much of the cold slop.
Apparently, our concern of food poisoning was legit and the few bites I had were enough to make me sick. I woke up with “Bangkok Belly” around 3 am this morning and have been sick and weak ever since. We had a day trip planned for the floating markets a little ways outside of Bangkok today which we had to cancel. So, I’m spending our last day in Bangkok in the hotel room trying not to the throw up! Womp womp.
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